It just occurred to me the title of my last blog post sounds like I was about to commit suicide or something ._. and the fact that I disappeared from here for quite a long hiatus after that well.....must've not been a good last impression.

Anyway, I ran away from what I was scared of, I hide behind life, keeping busy, believing I'm happy and learning to smile in front of others, actually letting people into my life and being very vulnerable, the works. And so here I am again, making this post as we speak till God knows when will be the next time I write.

To get to the point, my second semester's final exam starts tomorrow (Basic Management, in the evening, not really that hard though you gonna need to go through the concepts) but I've been scared more than ever. I thought maybe it's because of the soul tie between me and others, but then maybe I am the cause. I've been running all the time, living the life, learning to be happy and accepting the fact that everything was over and it felt good. It felt satisfying and I didn't regret any bits of it. But running is wrong, I shouldn't run and hide behind those, I should move and and embrace them for when I reach that point the shadows of the past will stop haunting me.

Tomorrow's the day I fear I will disappoint myself, and everyone around me, by running away. By avoiding responsibilities and believing some miracle will drop down from the sky and hit my head till I start studying and ace the exam. But no, I'm through with running, I'm done being scared of disappointing myself and I'm done blaming everything else because of my existence. I shall embrace this responsibility, I shall pick my notes, start going through them and understanding everything, make sure I get them all right by the end of this night and I will face the dragon instead of delaying it for any longer. The odds are against me I know, but the dragon shall be slayed or so help me I will face the consequences.

Metaphors aside, that's it. That's what I've been trying to express for all this week and the week before feeling confused as ever. And after I'm done some studying, I will reply Teacher Aimi's letter, and sleep. Yes, sleep and wake up early in the morning to iron my cloth, check whether my matrix card is done yet or not and go through the notes all over again and face the paper like I should.

Love,
Muhammad Farid Taqiuddin Zulkifly