So, exam went better than expected (special thanks to Potato for the long talk we had and sorry for wasting your credits) and now I'm back in Besut trying to get back to writing again. Plus gonna need to get used to writing again before starting on my entry for KL Noir : Yellow if I ever get around to writing it, considering the past two KL Noir submissions I was intending to write weren't written in the end. Hey, my laziness level is legendary.

Anyway, I've been intending to post this for quite awhile now, actually intended as a Facebook post but I'm not the kind to post these kind of things in public in fear of appearing too pompous and self-absorbed in my own world (Farid Taqiuddin actually caring about what people think about him, heh) so I decided to elaborate it in blog post form instead....but procrastinated the idea up till now.

To those who'd known me since young, I was a lonesome child who'd prefer being by myself and minding my own business as I have abandonment issues, believing everyone thinks I'm insignificant, and always abandoned, so I thought it's better to stay by myself and care for my own world instead. I rarely let any people into my life and allow myself to be so vulnerable to others because there aren't many that can understand me.

As I grow older and during my late-teen years, I've recently discovered that I've been living in the wrong world after all. I've entered a program that opened up a link from me to a world of people that are more open-minded and accept my differences and think I matters. As these people slowly changes me and I learn to be more social and accepting, I've learn the meaning of friendship and learn to appreciate these people despite not being physically there in their lives or them in mine most of the time.

However, sadly to say, the abandonment issue I suffer from aren't just something I can wave away with a few rainbow and glitters. People come and people go from your life. Some drifted away, some are preoccupied by their own lives and some just aren't in your life anymore, no matter how hard you try to cling on to those reasons that brought you two together in the first place. So here's what I was actually intending to post on my Facebook wall :

As I open up to and know more people into my world, I've realised that I'm not alone after all. There are people who are similar to me in different aspects and we learn to enjoy that fact together. To find someone that are similar to us and I learn a part of me more than I could've learn by myself. Sadly, not everyone stays and as they leave me, I feel like a part of me has died and it hurts.

But life isn't all gloom and rain (though in real life, I quite enjoy gloomy and rainy weather but you get my point), there are those who stays and those who can't yet even try harder to keep in contact with you. There are those who get closer as you get to know them better, and there are those who just remain the same, unaffected by time and your relationship feels permanent. I love these people and I can't say I'd like to go back and relive my childhood life (like there are many pleasant memories to relive anyway) because I wouldn't have them in it.

In fact, imagine yourself old and aging, with your life mostly spent and now just enjoying the years left behind for you to live in. You're sitting on your house's balcony staring into the sky. Now imagine who will be there with you, friends that still be friends despite years had passed and now you're joking along with them, remembering the past years and enjoying each others' presence. The question is, have you found those few friends you can grow old together with?