So hey, I'm planning to write my submission for KL Noir Blue and finish the rough draft by tonight so I decided for warm up to write I'll be writing this first (and yes it is legit it is not procrastination *ahem*). Oh and to those that actually stumble upon this tiny little blog or those who actually read my submissions I do recommend you to enter a submission to this thingy. I'm still thinking on how high the maturity of my work Imma write for mine.

So first of all, now that the intro is over (what is it with me and completely unrelated intros anyway), I want to express what I feel today. Personally speaking, I'm.....insecure. I don't know what to do with myself. It may be a phase I'm going through as a teenager growing up into an adult but right now, it's something that bothers me.

I was raised thinking I am different. I am shunned from society, treated like I'm no normal human and even the way I think is said to be unnatural. Yet after awhile as I grow up and actually learn to live in the society of people who doesn't care, I realised that I am like any others. Everyone thinks they're the centre of their world, everyone thinks there's something to them that they can't relate to others, yet everytime I meet someone new that I can relate to, I find that the things that made me think I'm special is something some other people out there think they are too. And even this confession right here, some people out there might have the same thought.

I am not really upset with this knowledge. Although I am quite jealous of those that is the same as me that went through a whole better life but I'm also glad that I'm not really alone. I may be among the minority of people or maybe a majority because who knows? We all live in our own hamster ball of introversion and insecurity that we never get to know about others till fate decided that we should meet each other.

The problem with this is that those people that I can relate to and who I can be myself completely with are not the people are within my reach all the time. So most of the time I'll still be here, feeling alone and insecure and wishing for somebody to help me. There was a post in 9gag saying that the key to being happy with a partner is to learn to be happy alone first so that when you have a life partner, it is a choice, not a requirement. Personally as someone who had been alone most of my childhood I say why can't I make the need to be with people I am comfortable with a requirement? I had enough suffering being alone and I do not wish to be back alone. There is a distinctive difference between being used to be alone and being comfortable with being alone. One may be used to being alone but there is never anyone who likes being left alone forever.

It may be a selfish need of me to have someone to hear out what I want to say, someone to understand the pain I've been through and someone to reach out to me and say "lets do it together" but the pain of being alone is not something you should suffer for a long time. I am sorry to whoever I am comfortable with if I become overly attached but it is my way to say that I love you guys, and I wish for nothing more than having you people in my life, colouring the lonely grey wall with colours of your own, blending in together in harmony and delight.

It is not common of me to specify people when I speak about something that is not me but I wish one day, when I can finally discard the fear that despite you being in my heart, I'm not in yours, I shall make posts in dedication specifically for you people to express how much you really mean to me. And even if the future that is to come reveals that we won't be as close as we are right now, it'll forever be in our memory that the bond was there- IS there, in our lives.