Rejoice! For the lame title-maker had not ran out of lame titles for his blog posts.

.......sorry, was trying to make a lame joke. Anyways, I'll be going on a hiatus for quite awhile I think, to sort things out and get myself emotionally stable yet again. Why don't I just write the problems down and make it share it so that it won't bug me too much you ask? Well the reason I continue blogging is to share my ideal, express my thoughts and maybe in the future, I can smile while reading all of these back (or maybe facepalm and kill myself for my lame style of writing and obvious flaws in grammar mastery). If I am to write down my problems down, I'll be reminded in the future that I have these problems and I prefer to let it be buried down as time goes by. It's mental stuffs really, but fortunately I have this gift of locking unpleasant memories from bugging me too much (like most of my childhood memory being bullied, neglected, teased, etc etc etc).

To be vague concerning my current condition anyways (since I promised to tell in the lame title), you see, I have this stupid brotherly instinct. I am very protective when it comes to people I care about and even the thought of anything harming them will drive me mad. So far, it's actually admirable, the instinct. In fact, I've been known to gain children and babies' trust very easily and often mistaken for being a first born child. I bet I'll be a very hated dad though.

"Oh, your date the college prom is coming to pick you up you say? Lemme just polish my shotgun"

You can imagine. Although I know the limits of protecting people, I do trust some that I care to live on their own as long as they've proven to me that they can (plus, embarrassingly, some are actually more independent in this perspective compared to me). But there are always those that is so innocent, so naive that they need protection more than ever. To these people, especially those that I hold very dear, I stay by their side and become an overly concerned existent in their life.

But recently, this one person whom I consider is the most naive of them all had pushed me aside. I do not blame her for she has the choice to do so, yet out of concern for her, I still stay by her side and become her kind-of guardian. I was that protective. Yet despite my warnings, advices and everything I did to protect her from the harm of the real world, she ignored everything that is not to her liking and walking down deeper into the path that I fear will scar her life.

I know it's not my right to prevent her from choosing her own path, but I want to keep her innocence and protect her from harm as much as I can because she isn't reliable to do so on her own. People say that experience is the best teacher of them all but I dare not even imagine any harm coming upon her due to her decision. I've been in this conflict for a certain period of time, still trying my best to make her realise about it with the limitation due to the barrier she had put between us, yet her naivety and stubbornness persist.

Needless to say I couldn't handle the burden for any much longer and snapped. I've relieved myself from the duty of caring for her and will now not be responsible for anything that might befallen upon her. By this action, I do hope she will finally realise what am I trying to warn her about and maybe this final sacrifice for her will be enough. If it's not, may I will be able to put aside my humanity and not carry the burden of guilt for abandoning her.

I miss her though, she was once the main reason I smile and now I have to cut the final thread of rope that connect between us. It is selfish of me, yet I hope it is not in vain.