Another Style


In one of my - futile - attempt to create a new writing style for me, this is the result.
Note - yes, it's another incomplete story I wrote

Alone. Dark. Cold.
Never thought I say this but I wish I didn’t run away. I mean, anything’s better then out here in the street without any specific destination or money. Then, a flashback. Remembering the sadness….. the torture…. Maybe out here alone IS better my inner thought commented. Shrugging out of coldness, I continue walking down the street, hoping no one is chasing after me.
I hate my parents, I know almost everybody will detest this statement but it’s true, they ignore me, they left me in an orphan house even though they’re still alive, they fought all the time, oh, and they ignore me. Once, I even wonder how I came to this world, the cruel, heart-less world. I remember seeing a picture in the house, happy faces that looked like my parents but different, they were smiling and together.
I still remember them – though I always try to forget. Mum, a pretty lady that worries about everything. Except for me the sadistic part of me said. Always make sure the house’s spotless, always make sure no one touch her precious belongings and always make sure I don’t do anything that’ll ruin the house.
Dad. He’s the main of mum’s worries. Never come home on time, always out-station, and always come home with a suspicious lady perfume smell all over him. As expected, mum did some spying and discovered he cheated on her. Dad was angry that she hired a detective to do the work – typical, he was just caught cheating and he’s angry the money’s spent?
And so they scream at each other, argue, and completely ignore me. I was fine back then, I mean, I was only 4 and completely clueless on what happened. Then come the court, both were separated, neither wanted to claim me and both agreed – finally – to send me to an orphan house. One word, hell.
Remembering the first day, alone, clueless, ignored by orphans living there. I was 6 back then – yeah, the big parent argument lasted for 2 years – and still trying to painfully swallow the horrible truth. Sobbed all days and night in my room because of it. After 2 whole weeks, I somehow eased the pain and started exploring. In the orphan house, they’re lots of heart-broken orphans. All needed to share the limited facilities we got there, until we manage to get adopted that is. The first week of exploring was fine; only a few noticed me and everybody just mind their own business.
I started talking to the orphans, sharing stories, playing games and try to forget about my parents. One day, they asked about my parents. I was dumbstruck, the question was easy enough but to tell them was like trying to tear open a still-healing wound. Since they’re my friends, I told them, how they started fighting with each other, how they got divorced and left me here.
“Wait, your parents are still alive?” they asked.
“Well, yeah. Why?” the statement that changed everything.
After the incident, the orphans started ignoring me, they left me out in games, they ignore when I talk to them and they didn’t save the food portion for me. What had happen?
It turns out that they envied me. All of them lost their parents in a tragic way; some of them didn’t even know their own parents. The fact that I still had mine angers them. In their mind, parents protect and love, give you everything you want and always be with you. Their ideal makes them jealous of everyone with parents and wish they had one too. The thought that someone here actually HAS his parents but sharing their food and limited facilities cause them to hate me, the one with parents.
Great, I lost my parents over a stupid quarrel and now I lost my friends? That was still okay, considering I’m getting used to being ignore but then, the bullying begins. It all started when I was trying to get my portion of lunch when suddenly this guy who had a big grudge on me – his loving parents died in a fire – knocked me of. Now almost everybody started calling me names and pick on me. Heck, even my bed was like it being hit by a typhoon after they’ve done with it. Crying silently, I continue.
Hunger strikes. I didn't eat anything before leaving that horrible place - not that I eat much when I was there. My portion's always the smallest, bullies mercilessly took my food and no one offered any sympathy or help. Just stare at me with full hatred in their eyes. I took my chance when it was presented in front of me, the old guard forgot to lock the gate and I left, with nothing except the cloth I'm wearing.
Cars passed by from time to time, but non stop even for a second curious glance at me. My steps are getting weaker, my breath's getting harder, the snow is getting thicker. Might as well die here then came the thought in my mind. Nothing good had ever happened in my life, uncaring parents, being hated, nothing. Finally, I accidentally kicked a rock an stumbled.
Goosebumps increasing in numbers around my legs, I don't think I can get up anymore...... good bye world, maybe I'm better of in the other world - if there is another world anyway
A light. As I almost close my eyes, the light came nearer. An angel coming to great me? No, this light is real, coming from a car I faintly recognize. A woman came out, my eyes were almost closed but I still see who she was, as I slowly drift to unconscious. Using the last of my energy, I spoke a croaky voice as the woman gently hugged me, crying as she carries me to the Lamborghini I know so well.
"Mom......"

8 comments:

Inspector Saahab said...

great. i love the situation. haha. pathetic! hihi
by the way is this has connection with the story below? cos i dont see the relation. hope to read the continuation from u. great farid. this is great. ur style is really natural and the flow is just nice :) keep it up.

Taqiuddin said...

actually, this is another un-finish story I wrote last week, like I said, I'm waiting for my Muse to return so I can't continue them yet TT_TT

hyperCRYPTICal said...

It is a fine well-written story and maybe a few more words could have left it open-ended, yet complete - as a sad tale of abandonment.

Anna :o]

Taqiuddin said...

thanks, you're right, it isn't complete. I'm going to finish as soon as my Muse came back.

Ciklong said...

I like the way you describe the introduction with three words. hehe. then the way you introduce the character is really catchy. and of course, i love the last paragraph. please, do continue :)

Nani Othman said...

it's YOUR parents, not YOU'RE. i think you missed that. =) keep writing!

Taqiuddin said...

Thanks! I finally finish this in-complete short story and currently am working on the other, be sure to read it!

Anonymous said...


this was a pathetic, hapless attempt in getting worshipped by other than your schoolmates. i did not find any of your essays that convincing at all. in fact, they're just childish in a way that almost made me vomit looking at their awkward predicament of discontinuity and not having a well written plot. try to submit your essays to the English teachers. i bet they would have the same remarks as i have which is dull and vain.

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